Burnout & clarity: 5 Agreements to Stop Setting Yourself (and Others) Up for Failure

Are you setting everyone up for failure. Your employees, your kids, your spouse, yourself, even your business?

Burnout & feelings of failure, isn’t just a workplace problem. It shows up in parenting, marriage, and even in how we manage ourselves. When expectations don’t match reality, the brain defaults to fight, flight, or freeze, leaving businesses struggling, relationships tense, and parents exhausted.

Over the years, I’ve had the blessing (and occasional chaos) of working with organizations at every stage of life in the creative and business world. One of my first projects was Heffy Doodle, where I helped take an idea from custom stamped designs by the amazing Leslie Oman all the way to finding manufacturers, designing product covers, and figuring out how to actually get them in front of clients. Fast forward, I’ve also walked into corporations with Standard Operating Procedure that hadn’t been touched since dial-up internet, and watched as people (and profit) slipped straight through the cracks.

It made me realize how often we set ourselves, and businesses up for failure by skipping the boring but crucial stuff: clear workflows, step-by-step processes, and realistic expectations for the humans around us.

I’ll admit: my biggest mistake (and lesson learned) was expecting one person to do too much. Sure, humans can multitask, but let’s be honest, asking your bookkeeper to also be your bubbly concierge is like asking your toddler to manage QuickBooks. They’ll push all the buttons, but it’s not going to end well. One of my employees was brilliant with numbers but not exactly the warm, “welcome-to-our-family” type. Yet my brand screamed friendliness and concierge-level service, so the mismatch cost us.

And this isn’t just a business thing. Translate it into relationships: Are you expecting your spouse to read your mind? Your kids to act like 40-year-olds with mortgages? Your friends to double as therapists? Do the roles you set for people around you match their actual strengths, skills, or developmental stage (yes even adults)?

Here’s where the mental health piece comes in: when expectations don’t align with reality, you trigger stress responses: fight, flight, or freeze. In business, employees often choose “flight” (a.k.a. turnover). At home, kids might default to “fight” (cue tantrums), while spouses and friends slip into confusion or shutdown.

So instead of calling them “expectations,” let’s reframe them as agreements—softer, collaborative, and grounded in what’s realistic. Agreements respect someone’s capacity while setting everyone up for success.

How Fight, Flight, or Freeze Shows Up

In Business:

• Fight: employees push back with attitude, sarcasm, or passive-aggressive emails (“per my last email…”).

• Flight: turnover, ghosting, disappearing into “vacation” that never ends.

• Freeze: the deer-in-headlights look during team meetings when you ask who’s taking ownership—and silence fills the room.

In Marriage/Relationships:

• Fight: arguments about the dishes that are definitely not about the dishes.

• Flight: shutting down, scrolling TikTok instead of engaging, or pulling away emotionally.

• Freeze: one-word answers, blank stares, or the infamous “I’m fine” (translation: definitely not fine).

In Parenting:

• Fight: tantrums, backtalk, door slamming (and that’s just the teenagers).

• Flight: hiding in their rooms, suddenly “forgetting” homework exists.

• Freeze: zoning out when you ask them to clean their room—suddenly the wallpaper is fascinating.

In Yourself:

• Fight: lashing out at your laptop when Zoom freezes.

• Flight: procrastination disguised as “organizing your sock drawer” instead of working.

• Freeze: staring at the wall, mind blank, while deadlines pile up and you’re paralyzed.

This approach reframes the whole idea: instead of accidentally setting people up for failure (and watching fight/flight/freeze responses ripple out everywhere), agreements help align capacity with responsibility. That’s where businesses grow, marriages strengthen, parenting becomes more intentional, and you stop setting yourself up for burnout.

Solution: Replace hard expectations with agreements, and use reframes to reset when stress responses show up.

In Business

• Fight → Reframe: Instead of clashing, pause and say: “Okay, I hear resistance. What’s underneath it?” Often, it’s overwhelm or lack of clarity. Shift to curiosity, not control.

• Flight → Counter: Don’t just chase them down—create safety. Say: “Let’s talk about what’s realistic here.” People don’t run from doable; they run from impossible.

• Freeze → Reset: Break tasks down smaller. Ask: “What’s the very first, smallest step we can take?” Micro-actions melt paralysis.

In Marriage/Relationships

• Fight → Reframe: Recognize the argument isn’t about dishes. Say: “I think this is about us both feeling maxed out. Let’s reset before tackling the chore chart.”

• Flight → Counter: Instead of chasing or nagging, extend an invitation: “I miss you—want to sit together, no agenda?” Presence is stronger than pressure.

• Freeze → Reset: Don’t demand answers. Offer space: “It’s okay if you don’t know what to say yet. Let’s come back to this when you’re ready.”

In Parenting

• Fight → Reframe: Underneath the tantrum is a skill gap. Ask yourself: “What skill are they missing that I can teach later when calm?” Think coach, not referee.

• Flight → Counter: Instead of “get back here!”, knock gently: “I see you need space. When you’re ready, let’s figure it out together.” You teach self-regulation by modeling it.

• Freeze → Reset: Replace “you’re ignoring me” with “looks like this is overwhelming—let’s do it one step at a time.” Chunk tasks down to make them manageable.

In Yourself

• Fight → Reframe: Notice the tension. Ask: “Am I fighting the problem or just the feeling of being out of control?” Take 5 breaths, then choose one small action.

• Flight → Counter: Instead of labeling it laziness, reframe: “I’m avoiding because I’m anxious.” Use a 5-minute timer—just start for five minutes, then reassess.

• Freeze → Reset: Acknowledge the stuckness: “I feel frozen because everything feels too big.” Pick one thing and let completion (not perfection) be the win.

Agreements create clarity. Reframes create calm.

Put them together, and you stop setting yourself (and everyone else) up for failure—at work, at home, and in life.

Workflows and operating procedures aren’t just for corporations—they’re for humans too. When people know what to do and how to do it (even for the “basic” stuff like answering emails or unloading the dishwasher), everyone wins.

And when things get sticky? A licensed therapist: like the individual and couples therapist at Precise Mind Behavioral Health—can help reframe those tough conversations so you stop setting each other up for failure.

At home, you can also reset your expectations with your kids (yes, even the ones who think homework is a medieval torture device).

And let’s not forget the business side. When you don’t have clear SOPs or workflows, people spend more time milking the clock than moving the needle. That’s where ApreGrow Strategy comes in: we help you build systems that stop the waste, keep your team aligned, and make sure everyone knows what success looks like—without you micromanaging every step.

Because as wild as it sounds....your business systems, your relationships, your parenting, and your mental health actually do work together. And when they do? You’ll wonder why no one ever made an SOP for family life in the first place. (Don’t tempt me. I just might.)